To celebrate Valentine’s Day, as well as the release of After Midnight (2020), here are some of my favorite monster/human couples. As a bonus, I’ve rated each human on how dedicated they are to the role of being a monsterfucker on a scale of 1-10. 1 meaning they might as well just pack it in and date a human, 10 meaning that they have absolutely no fear and are living their best monster loving life.

**Julia and Frank from Hellraiser (1987)**

They may be the antagonists of the film, but god if they don’t create a sexy dynamic while causing a lot of trouble for poor Kirsty. Frank and Julia had an affair right after she was freshly married to Frank’s brother, Larry. Even after Frank’s decent into hell—and rebirth as a skinless creature with a need to feed on humans to return his body to what it once was—Julia is still captivated by her husband’s far more dangerous and cruder brother. This results in her luring unsuspecting men back to be consumed by Frank, and you know what? Good for her.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t end well for Julia, but it was a fun couple while it lasted.

Rating: 8/10; Julia did not shy away from her gooey lover, and even went as far as to provide bodies for him to absorb. Even if it was in the name of making him look more human, that’s still highly respectable overall.

**Ronnie and Seth from The Fly (1986)**

This film legitimately makes me so heartbroken for Ronnie and Seth that I purchased it on Blu-ray and proceeded to never watch it, because I know how emotional it will make me.

I don’t know if that tells you more about them or me…

Regardless, this couple’s tale is a tragic one. Seth begins to slowly transform into a human/fly hybrid after an experiment gone wrong, and all Ronnie can really do is watch. He becomes more irrational, giving into “primitive instincts,” as he transitions into the monstrous fly. This includes trying to force Ronnie to go through the same process, and stopping her from getting an abortion, despite her fears that the baby will be mutated like he is. Things, of course, don’t end well between them, but the emotional core of the film makes them a couple to remember nonetheless.

Rating: 6/10; Ronnie does try pretty hard to stick with and help Seth even as body parts start coming off. Ultimately, however, she’s not really about that Brundlefly life.

**Abby and Alec from Swamp Thing (2019)**

It’s truly unfortunate that the Swamp Thing series on DC Universe was immediately canceled before it even really started. That didn’t stop me from loving the relationship cultivated between Abby and Alec throughout the show, however. Abby is endlessly understanding and goes out of her way to find the truth about this mysterious swamp creature, feeling it wasn’t as monstrous as it may look. She’s correct, as Swamp Thing is really Alec Holland, a scientist she had started to form a bond with before he was killed. Swamp Thing struggles with his identity and whether he’s really Alec or not anymore, but Abby is there for him every step of the way. I would have really loved to see how things progressed for them, but as is they’re still an excellent example of an ideal, healthy monster/human relationship.

Rating: 7/10; Abby does, in my opinion, get cheated of some quality Swamp Thing smooching by a trick used to make Alec appear human again at times. However, in reality she’s still kissing the mossy guy, right? It counts.

**Elisa and The Amphibian Man from The Shape of Water (2017)**

It’s unsurprising that these two are the quintessential monster/human couple, given they came from monster lover extraordinaire Guillermo del Toro. Elisa is immediately drawn to the mysterious Amphibian Man being housed (and tortured) in her workplace, and does everything in her power to free him. Succeeding is no easy task, and things remain dicey afterward, but along the way we see love bloom between them. The physicality of their love language, thanks to neither being able to speak out loud, somehow makes it all the more poignant and beautiful. It ends with him whisking her way to his home in the ocean, gifting her the ability to live down there with him in a blissfully happy ending. Guillermo del Toro gave the people what they really want: a genuine, idyllic romance with a handsome fish man.

Rating: 10/10; Elisa is queen monsterfucker, she achieved the dream. She went for that sexy scaly man full throttle. Truly an inspiration.

**Marie and Daniel from When Animals Dream (2014)**

Lady monsters with love interests are unfortunately rare, but thankfully When Animals Dream is here to pick up the slack. Marie finds that her body is going through more changes than seems normal even for a girl her age, including sprouting hair and a growing lust for blood. It’s not the first time, of course, that lycanthropy and puberty have intertwined, but I think the film does a good job making things feel distinct for Marie. Her boyfriend Daniel is part of what made me love the film, as he is steadfast in his affections. Get you a man who sees you rip someone’s throat out, and still has nothing but admiration for you.

It’s just such a refreshing take compared to the more typical getting scared and running away, thus further isolating the individual and pushing them to be more inhuman, so on and so forth.

Rating: 8/10; Marie’s looks may not be the most monstrous as far as werewolves go, but her actions certainly are. Daniel is true boyfriend material for being cool with her bloodlust.

**Hellboy and Liz from Hellboy (2004)**

I would be remiss not to talk about these two, as they, I’m sure, played a huge hand in my love of these types of couples. While it’s a weird area if you consider their relationship in the comics, ultimately the film version of Hellboy and Liz are a couple of broken people coming together to form something whole. Both struggle with their identities and powers, and what that makes them. Liz doesn’t want to be a monster figuratively with her difficult to control pyrokinesis, Hellboy doesn’t want to be one literally with his supposed fate of bringing about the end of the world. It’s their love for each other, and their friends, that grounds them, and ultimately allows them to determine that they are more than what strangers perceive them as. Again, Guillermo del Toro is the king of the certified Good Shit™ when it comes to monster/human relationships.

Rating: 6/10; Liz has powers herself and is best friends with another amphibian man, so Hellboy isn’t really that out there in terms of looks. Plus, let’s be honest, he’s real damn handsome.

**Needy and Jennifer from Jennifer’s Body (2009)**

Does possession count as a monster, you may be asking? Debatable, but I decided to count it based on Jennifer’s monstrous looks and actions as the film progresses. Also, there’s a total lack of queer monster/human relationships, so sometimes you have to stretch a little. While Needy and Jennifer don’t necessarily become a couple at any point, the tension and desire between the two is undeniable. All those jokes throughout the film about them being gay for each other aren’t really jokes, let’s be honest! And maybe in a different universe, Needy would’ve stood by her best friend/potential girlfriend taking out her newfound demonic bloodlust on boys, but alas. Us queer girls can dream.

Rating: 1/10; Needy isn't into Jessica’s newfound sharp teeth and murderous desires, boo.

**Buffy and Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)**

This is another incredibly formative one for me growing up. I watched the show all the time with my family, and was 100% on the side of Buffy and Spike together over her and Angel. Was that projecting in part because I had a huge crush on Spike? Absolutely. But, there’s just something about the bad boy with a good heart deep down dynamic that is far more interesting overall. There were a ton of ups and downs and breakups. Ultimately, however, I always felt they brought the best out of each other. Isn’t that what we all want? A hot vampire dude that’s ride or die for you even if he can be a cranky asshole? Maybe that’s just me.

Rating: 2/10; Buffy gets a couple points for the fact that Spike does have a more monstrous vampire face, but most of the time he just looks human.

**David and Alex from An American Werewolf in London (1981)**

After a backpacking trip goes terribly wrong, David winds up in the hospital back in London recovering from wounds he believes were caused by some sort of animal. He’s almost right, but the cause was really a werewolf. The visage of his dead friend tells him so, but David ignores the warnings and instead becomes close with his nurse, Alex. While she doesn’t know or see his werewolf problem for most of the film, she comes in for a clutch emotional ending to try to calm the wolfed-out David down to avoid him being killed by the police. She faces her far furrier boyfriend with bravery and love, but sadly it’s not enough to save him.

Rating: 4/10; Alex may not be aware she’s dating a werewolf for a majority of the film, but her attempt to save him even despite the maiming he’s done, and how he looks, earns her some points.

Tammy and Michael from Tammy and the T-Rex (1994)

Listen, I know a dinosaur isn’t a monster. However, this is an animatronic T-Rex with a human brain stuck in it, so we’re going to go ahead and say such an affront to nature counts. The brain stuck in said dinosaur is Michael’s, boyfriend to Tammy. As soon as he manages to get across to her that it’s him, Tammy is fully invested in doing what she can to get his body back. However, along the way, she is more than happy to smooch his scaly face while cooing lovingly over him. Spoilers, but he doesn’t get his human form back, nor does he keep his dinosaur one. And yet! Tammy is still happy to love and be with her boyfriend even just as a brain in a bowl. That’s the dedication I like to see.

Rating: 8/10; Tammy may be working hard to get her boyfriend a body again, but she sure has no trouble with burying him with affection while scaly, or squishy.

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