As the title of this article suggests, I sure do love horror anthologies. When you watch a feature length film, you go in expecting certain cinematic rules. The good guys will probably win, there might be an unnecessary sub-plot to pad the time, and expect a forced love interest. In horror anthologies, all bets are off. Filmmakers can get away with whatever they want in a short.

Christmas is so closely connected to horror (for many of us), that there are hundreds of Christmas horror movies and books. There’s Christmas-set stories in many anthology films and series like Tales From the Crypt, Tales From the Darkside, A Creepshow Holiday Special, Into the Dark, Holidays, Holiday Hell, etc. etc. What we are sorely lacking in is Christmas horror anthologies. I want to sit down in front of an anthology movie and have the whole thing be Christmas themed. Is that so hard?

I thought it would be fun to rank all the Christmas-themed horror anthologies, but then I realized there’s only three. It’s downright criminal that there’s not more, but let’s take a look at what we’ve got!

DEATHCEMBER (2019) – multiple VOD platforms

I grew up religious adjacent – my Mom’s a Christian but she didn’t force anything on me – so I’m vaguely familiar with advent calendars. We had them a few Christmases, and I remember opening a square each day leading up to Christmas and getting a candy. It’s a fun memory from being a kid, marking the days leading up to Christmas. Deathcember takes the idea of an advent calendar and turns it into a horror anthology. What a cool idea.

The twenty-four (yeah, twenty-four!) shorts are linked together by brief visits to a CGI house filled with visual connections to the stories. At nearly two and a half hours long, the lack of a substantial framing device is forgiven. It also means the average length of the shorts is about seven minutes. You can do a lot with seven minutes, but some of these stories have ideas that could really use a longer runtime.

And to remind us that Christmas isn’t just American or English-speaking, these shorts feature international stories by international filmmakers. The first story is German and about a greedy boy abusing an advent calendar that sure transcends language.

This doesn’t just center around Christmas, but the entire season, leading up to the big day. Unfortunately, twenty-four stories is just too many. It’s a great idea, but it would have been better served as a mini-series than one film. Perhaps a similar approach, but dealing with the Twelve Days of Christmas (with half the stories) would make for a stronger viewing experience?

There is a lot to love here. Multicultural stories, comedy, horror, gore surrounding the festive season.

Michael Varatti’s “All Sales Final” is my favorite of the bunch. It’s a very simple idea, and one of the funnier tales, about a woman trying to return a Christmas present. It features a delightful cameo by Jeffrey Reddick as a charity Santa. You’re not surprised I chose the campiest story as my fave, right?

ALL THE CREATURES WERE STIRRING (2018) - Shudder

Christmas pageants are a thing, right? That seems to be the inspiration here. An awkward first date on Christmas Eve brings a couple to a small theater where actors put on a series of plays that segue into our onscreen anthological tales.

As a sharp contrast to Deathcember, All the Creatures Were Stirring is a brisk eighty minutes and features five stories. The cast is mostly comprised of indie performers you may vaguely recognize, and Constance Wu who is good in her story (of course), but I wish she’d had just a little more to do.

The stories here center on an office Christmas party, a dad buying gifts who has car troubles, a Scrooge-like jerk who may or may not learn a Christmas lesson, a driver who hits a deer, and a couple having bizarre friends over for Christmas dinner. The wrap-around is fun, but doesn’t quite pack the punch I was hoping for.

The movie is fine. I completely forgot about one of the stories until I looked at my notes. None of the stories are groan-worthy or total misses, but there’s no stand up and cheer moment either. I saw this in 2018 and just rewatched it for this article, and I could see myself throwing it on in the background in another few years.

A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY (2015) – Amazon Prime/Shudder

This is the crown jewel for me. I watch this movie every December and some Octobers. Like Michael Daughtry’s Trick ‘r Treat, A Christmas Horror Story weaves in and out of its stories and connects them by setting them all in the same town (in this case Bailey Downs, a fun shout-out to George Bailey from It’s a Wonderful Life). Unfortunately, the fans haven’t flocked to this one like they have Trick ‘r Treat, because the producers wanted to make a sequel, but it hasn’t materialized yet. Maybe someday my Christmas wish will come true and we’ll get Another Christmas Horror Story.

Let’s start with that gorgeous cover art. Back in the day, that’s how we discovered movies, so I love how memorable the artwork is here. People who haven’t even seen the movie are familiar with the image of Santa Claus locked in Mortal Kombat with hunky Krampus. And yes, Krampus is hunky here, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

William Shatner plays Dangerous Dan, a radio DJ who serves as the movie’s host who drinks heavily during his one-man office party on the air. He’s as engaging here as you’d expect.

Last Christmas break, two Bailey Downs’ high schoolers were murdered in their school. This Christmas Eve, three teens decide to break in to film an investigative video. Their fourth friend can’t make it because her dad sprung a last-minute trip to her great-aunt’s house. Meanwhile, the cop who found the bodies and went on psychiatric leave takes his wife and son out to chop down a Christmas tree. All the while, at the North Pole, Santa is dealing with a deadly zombie outbreak amongst his elves.

What I love about this is that the four stories are distinct but still feel unified. The movie’s well shot and acted, the twists are fun, we get Black representation, action, gore, and comedy, and it all feels very Christmas’y. Rewatches are especially fun noticing how all the stories connect, like one of the teenagers who breaks into the school used to babysit the officer’s son who features in a separate story. The script is tight and shows a real attention to detail.

Who knows, maybe next year we’ll be gifted with a brand new Christmas horror anthology. I think we all deserve it after making it through 2020.