EXT — CAMP REDWOOD — NIGHT

The rustling in the foods continues. A branch breaks. Bushes shift. NIKKI and TERRY prepare for the worst. A pause. Quiet.

JOE bursts through the foliage.

TERRY
Joe! You’re alive!

Joe grimaces and brandishes a knife.

JOE
Guess again.

Nikki looks confused. Terry backs up nervously.

JOE
I’m dead. And...I Know Who Killed Me!

TERRY
OK. Who’s the idiot writing this meta-bullshit?

TERRY

Well Nikki, the Russian Roulette that is 1984 continued with “The Lady in White.” I'm firmly convinced that somewhere, beneath all the excess of this season, is a tight 5 or 6 episode story. It's just that the writers continue to pad the story because, well, it's AHS. And they need 10 episodes. It's moments like this that I admire the British way of doing shows. 6ish episodes. Get in. Get out. Done.

Here we have an episode that continues to add context and additional characters when it's mostly not needed. I'm talking about Lily Rabe’s campy version of Mrs. Vorhees...and Dylan McDermott's wig.

Back in 1948 (like the novel...get it?), it turns out, Benjamin/Mr. Jingles (John Carroll Lynch) pretty much lived at the camp that would become Camp Redwood. Then, it was named Camp Golden Star and Benjamin’s widowed Mother (Lily Rabe) works there as the camp cook. Turns out Benjamin had a brother named Bobby who died by drowni--er, getting his head splattered by a motorboat while Benjamin was being a creep and watching the two hot lifeguards make out. Lily Rabe channels Betsy Palmer at her most camp, screaming, “you’re all guilty!”

But put a pin in that because we’re back in 1989 with Not Rita (Angelica Ross, looking more and more glamorous each episode) dealing with a drugged out Brooke (Emma Roberts), who’s coming down off the biggest high ever from her prison escape. Brooke doesn’t waste any time and gets to the point--and I do mean that literally, as she does a Fulci maneuver and pushes an IV needle right next to her eye--and asks her why she saved her. Not Rita’s reasons are simple: she’s seen the afterlife and she wants to make sure she ends up where the good things are, “not the other place.”

I mean, fair.

She wants to send Brooke to a different country but Brooke, of course, sees the festival pamphlet and, well, wants revenge. “She stole my life. 1,825 days. That’s how long I spent locked up in that hellhole.”

Which, again. I mean. Fair.

It’s here that that episode takes a nosedive for me, with the introduction of Alex (Dylan McDermott) and the wig that gives Courtney (Leslie Jordan) a run for his money. Brooke and Not Rita meet him at a roller rink and after he presumably sabotages their car so that he can fix it, managed to score a ride. But we know it ain’t a good choice because it’s, like, horror movie 101. Oh and the car passes a sign about missing girls.

I don’t know about you, Nikki, but at Episode 7, I kind of expect the show to start tying up loose ends, not add more characters, motivations and twists. But hey! It’s American Horror Story. So I’ll turn it over to you. What do you think of the sentient creature living atop McDermott’s head? And, back at camp, what did you think of the introduction of “The Lady in White”....or is it the bastardized “La Llorona-lite in White (wash)”? And, finally, what the fuck is a Kajagoogoo?

EXT — CAMP REDWOOD — NIGHT

Joe points the knife at Terry. Nikki gasps. Terry looks startled and innocent. Nikki looks at Terry and then quickly steps away. Realizing it’s not working, Terry drops all pretense.

TERRY
I mean. To be fair, you tried to kill me, too.

Joe’s scowl turns into a cocky smile and a Frank-N-Furter quality arched eyebrow.

JOE
Tried to?

More gasps. Joe points to the wound in Terry’s shoulder. Terry touches the wound and realizes the truth.

NIKKI

Oh Kajagoogoo!!!!! British 80’s new wave at its best?!?! Good times. Okay, if I’m being honest I could only come up with one song of theirs and that’s “Too Shy.” Since I fell down the Google rabbit hole, I can say that at the very least the writers went to Wikipedia to do some research because the comment he makes about “Too Shy” being their only hit and “The NeverEnding Story” being his solo song is accurate.

So. Wow. Where do we go from here?

First, I love that you referred to Lily Rabe as Mrs. Vorhees because I kept calling her Mommy Dearest. I didn’t mind them introducing her as a character because it gave us some insight into Jingles. I’m rooting for him now after this episode. I’ve had one semester of college psychology so I feel that qualifies me for this diagnosis…that dude was fucked up from jumpstreet! He literally had two options in life: be a serial killer or be a patsy—then become a serial killer. I wrote the following phrase down, “JFC! Jingles has seen some shit; no wonder is he is the way he is!” when his mom went all Mommy Dearest, screaming at everyone after his brother dies. So I’m good with her being introduced. I thought her being brought in felt very natural to help move the story along.

But Not Rita and Brooke. They are the duo we didn’t know we needed or wanted! Also Angelica Ross is FIERCE as hell in this episode! I like that Not Rita is trying to earn some karma points by helping Brooke out and I get why Brooke doesn’t want to leave the country. She’s earned the right to be pissed as hell over how her life has turned out and get her revenge on Margaret. She did miss a large chunk of the 80’s. Did you notice that when she was drugged up she was making up her lost time by watching Doogie Howser MD in that no-tell motel? That’s not a bad way to spend the 80s. I mean that’s how I spent them…well, minus the drugs. And the no-tell motel.

The two of them going to the roller rink was amazing, I don’t know about you, Terry, but when I was growing up I spent a lot of my childhood at the roller rink. I lived in Tiny Town Missouri and there was the roller rink and a single screen theater in town, so that gave me some fun nostalgic feels. Plus it was fun to see the two of them just enjoying themselves after all they've been through. I will say, though, that for two tough bad ass women they need to pay more attention to missing women signs. Later on the police officer even mentions it to them.

Dylan McDermott’s character’s name was Alex wasn’t it? I kept referring to him as Hitchhiker Courtney. I think they might be wearing the same wig. So with the introduction of Alex I knew he was going to be another “bad guy” and I thought he was the one that messed with their car so he could fix it and they’d have to take him someplace. Terry, I agree 500% with you on the get in, get out, get done thought. I feel there is already so much going on we don’t really need another psycho when there is an entire enchanted forest of psychos just waiting for us.

Speaking of enchanted forest psychos, Montana (Billie Lourd) once again delivers greatness when she yells, “RAY! Don’t make me gut you again!” Which makes me wonder…how many times has she gutted poor Ray (DeRon Horton)?!?

So Terry kicking it back to you. What did you think about Not Rita and Brooke together, not to mention how FIERCE Not Rita’s hair is still as they walk down the highway to Camp Redwood? Baby Elephant Trunk having sex with Ghost Montana!?!?! Did you think Mommy Dearest’s advice to Jingles at the dock was good or was it just Mommy Dearest being Mommy Dearest? What did you think of the pacing of this week's episode? I swear I was watching the opening credits and then BAM end credits. Compared to the pacing in other episodes do you think the writers finally figured the pacing of the show in episode 7, is it too fast, or just right?

EXT -- CAMP REDWOOD -- NIGHT

The group has fallen into an uneasy detente. It’s deathly silent.

NIKKI
You’re both ghosts.

JOE
So I guess this...what, purgatory?

TERRY
That’s not very original.

NIKKI
Well, it’s American Horror Story. Originality isn’t exactly it’s strong suit.

TERRY

Nikki, I have vague memories of the roller rink, but truthfully they almost all involved me falling on my ass. I could never get my left leg to push just right, so would end up just continually pushing off with my right leg and then coasting…until I slammed in the wall or slipped. The best part of the rinks were the arcade sections.

I was a nerd, even as a kid.

So, it sounds like you enjoyed the episode a lot more than I did. I found myself annoyed through most of it because it felt like padding. I had this problem with some of the episodes of Pose season two and I think it has to do with these mandatory episode counts. Not everything needs 10 episodes. Hell, remember when American Horror Story was 13 episodes??

This just felt like a filler episode, prolonging the inevitable finale battle. I also felt a bit miffed because Halloween episodes have historically been a great showstopper for AHS. Margaret even made a comment in the previous episode about it being Halloween soon. So I thought we were getting another AHS Halloween classic…but no.

I will admit, though, that I did dig the way Brooke handled Alex. Hitting the car in reverse, shooting his thigh and then making sure he won’t be able to hitchhike again was a pretty badass sequence; particularly with Not Rita lying back to avoid the incoming car. It felt very Death Proof/Grindhouse. It was a well-directed sequence…that I don’t think was needed.

Going back to Mommy Dearest/Mrs. Camp Vorhees, the thing this episode did best is tie everything back to the original sin of the camp. On one hand, it felt a little bit too-on-the-Friday-the-13th nose, down to the promiscuous lifeguards and the dead son, but on the other it gave us an interesting little connective tissue that runs through each of the camp massacres. It filled in a bunch of minor questions. Jingles limps because he mom stabbed him in the calf! Margaret might have been a step away from crazy town, but VorCamp pushed her a little further.

We even get a motive, however slight. Benjamin took the one thing she loved from her, so she turned around and did the same. She then takes it a step further and completely Walk Hard’s the situation, saying “The wrong son died that day. It should have been you.”

I do wonder why Benjamin would WANT to return to the camp in the 70s after the trauma he dealt with in the 40s. But at this point, this is small bananas to worry about. I’ll throw your question back at you, Nikki because I don’t know what to think about VorCamp’s advice. What do you think about it? Do you think it’s setting up the ultimate fight? We also didn’t even talk about the reason Montana wants to set up another massacre, so what are your thoughts on her master plan?

NIKKI

I never said I was good at roller skating. I spent a fair amount of time on my ass and I don’t even want to try and talk about the difficulty of going to the bathroom while wearing skates. For the record there is nothing wrong with being a nerd!

I did enjoy this episode more than some of the previous ones, I will say that it’s been an up and down season and I think you summed it up nicely last week when you said you’ve been one step away from having a hate fuck session with the season.

I will say that while the season may have been up and down, the music they’ve gotten has been brilliant. I know you aren’t a fan of 80’s music but the one thing that the writers, producers, and directors have gotten right is the music. The way they have used it to help with their storytelling is perfect. They’ve also touched on different genres, from rock and power ballads to British New Wave and everything in between. I loved this week that while Not Rita and Brooke were at the rink Def Leppard was playing and that when they got rear ended by Alex, Alice Cooper was playing. I don’t know who their music person is but they are doing an awesome job!

I also don’t know what would have made Benjamin want to go back to the camp in the 70’s after all the stuff he went through as a child. Maybe he wanted to connect with his brother’s memory or maybe he is a glutton for punishment and feels he only deserves the misery that the camp brings.

I don’t really have an answer for how I feel about Mommy Camp’s advice. I do have to wonder how many lives Jingles has. Didn’t he nearly die or actually die last week and then his former BFF Night Stalker Ramirez (Zach Villa) essentially steal his soul? Which was the reason Jingles’ wife was killed essentially. Does it really matter in the end? So I don’t know about the advice…but I’m guessing it’ll tie into the final showdown.

Montana’s master plan...I think if she can pry herself away from gutting Ray it will be interesting to see if and how she pulls it off. I’m really trying to not set my expectations too high but I’m really hoping that these last two episodes will tie everything up nicely and give us the bloodbath we have been waiting for since we didn’t get the Halloween awesomeness we were hoping for. Otherwise it won’t be just Def Leppard that’s “Bringing on the Heartbreak.”

Like Jingles, we’ve seen some shit and we want the big payoff.

EXT — CAMP REDWOOD — NIGHT

NIKKI
So. Wait. If you’re dead. And he’s dead.
Does that mean you’re trapped here?

TERRY
No. Yes? No...it’s all so hazy.

NIKKI
And which one of you is the killer?

Terry points to Joe. Joe points to Terry.

NIKKI
To quote Sidney: fuck you both!
I’m out. Enjoy purg, psychos.

And that’s it for this week. There’s only two episodes left and a couple surprises coming. Well, at least one. Tune in next week for the finale of the mini-story that’s dwelling in the background, mostly because I can’t help myself. In the meantime, here’s the trailer to wet your whistle.