[Pride 2020] How Evil Dead 2 Helped A Trans Girl Find Herself

Hello everyone! My name is Chrystal and it has been a year since I got a chance to showcase my writing for Gayly Dreadful, which was one of if not the best writing experiences I have had so far. I wanted to come back this year and discuss more of my own love for horror, but through a slightly Queer perspective. I’m a Trans woman who has an affinity for the genre and while my taste is wide and all encompassing, I always find myself thinking of the first few films that genuinely made me see the potential in the genre.

Films like Halloween and Scream were early films that influenced me, but the film that got my attention and changed my perspective on how I view the genre was Evil Dead 2, the 1987 sequel to The Evil Dead (1981), which kicked the door open for more independent horror productions and turned the character Ash into a horror movie icon. Even after all these years, and with as much as I’ve seen, it still remains at the top of this Trans Girl’s heart and I’d love to discuss why that is.

I’ve always known that something was different in how I perceived my own identity. I tried to fit in but always felt ashamed of who I was…which wasn’t helped by my own fear of rejection. I couldn’t accept myself and that brought a lot of pain. Few things gave me much in the way of happiness, but film did. I have a lifelong passion for film, which extended into my continual fascination in horror.

When I was young, I discovered and fell in love with Army of Darkness, which convinced me to go back to the first two films. I was pleasantly shocked when I finally got around to seeing Evil Dead 2. Because streaming wasn’t a thing in the early 2000s, I had to rely on TV airings and DVD availability, so I watched the series out of order. In Evil Dead 2, I discovered a film that combined so many things I love into one highly entertaining package, as it brilliantly balances the slapstick nature of splatter horror, special effects, and full on commitment to comedy.

I never really thought of horror as a place for comedy, but this unique combination of styles really spoke to me as someone who was easily becoming enamored with film and all of its elements. Evil Dead 2 is the film that kicked the door down to making me want to pursue a career in or around the craft of filmmaking. What was incredibly impressive to me was that a group of people who wanted to make a movie did so under budgetary restrictions and still pulled off some of the most well thought out and comedic special effects work there is.

This was aided with a talented director in Sam Raimi who had worked on an excellent script and put so much faith in Bruce Campbell, who put his all into every scene. Every moment in the film seemingly came from a place of passion and it is rare to find a film where the energy it gives off is a sense of positivity and love within this genre. Even with all of the gore and the darker elements, it still maintains a sense of playfulness that is so often overlooked when creating horror. I love bleak and serious horror films as much as the next gal, but it is incredibly nice to see a film just know what it is and play with it to the best of their creative abilities.

With a film as silly as this is it is hard to imagine someone getting something deep from it, but I did.

I was in a lot of confusing pain. Pain that I was wrapping my head around and couldn’t figure out. It took me until I was 25 to really understand that I’m a Trans Woman…but at that time I had no idea why I had those feelings. I never should have, but I felt shame that I wanted to present as feminine and have a more feminine body. I’m certain that these feelings can be shared with most Trans people and their experiences. I felt terrible that I was being brought up in a world that hates us for existing so I pushed my feelings all the way down.

I didn’t realize how much I needed this film.

It lit a spark of passion that was missing in my life and while I obviously had more pressing issues I had to deal with later in life this made me feel not so much like an outcast in the grand scheme of things. This movie about the creation of a rare horror hero worked as an escape for me and quickly at that time became my favorite film. I became quite obsessed with it. I learned about the making of it, why the filmmakers chose the things they did, and studied it.

At that time it was difficult for me to really understand why I suddenly became hooked. I didn’t have the right words and understanding for what it was doing for me or how it gave me something to deal with my internal struggle. I just knew that I loved it so much and wanted to make something nearly as good as that eventually. This passion was so strong that I quickly determined that the craft of filmmaking was something that I wanted to pursue seriously.

When I was in high school, I created my first YouTube channel when that site was just starting to get more popular and that channel was a continuation of this passion. I practiced my craft and I even named my channel after elements from the Evil Dead series. It was certainly a very confusing era in my existence, but this film’s presence was powerful even as I was forced to pretend to be something I’m not for as long as I did.

I got older and my love of horror broadened, but I never lost sight of the comedic power that is Evil Dead 2. There is no other film that has that same level of energy and in a lot of ways I’ve still been looking for it with limited success. Even if nothing ever compares to what that film was I will know what it represented in my life. It wasn’t just a film that is entertaining.

It’s a film that was there for me when I needed it the most.

It helped me have passion during a time which was filled with so much emotional struggle. It was the distraction I needed. I wish I could also tell you that this film somehow has a subtle message about Gender Identity and Sexuality, but it doesn’t. I’ve connected with films that have had those deeper themes, but this film works to be something inherently fun. Art and film can be used to tell some incredible messages and go into deeper perspectives, but they don’t always have to do that. They can also be means of escapism, which doesn’t diminish the quality. We need escapist entertainment. Without escapism I don’t think that I would have made it.

The power cinema can have over one’s mood and perspective is incredible. I’m certain most horror fans have those films that made them change their perspective or find their passion. Evil Dead 2 just happened to be the film that guided me to the light in the worst times in my life. I’m certain that other Queer horror fans may share the experiences I have had in some ways and I hope that you found the necessary light in the darkness. As much as it doesn’t seem apparent it is always there. You just have to look out and keep your heart open. In addition to the art that can be there to help you there are also other people. If you are feeling lonely and isolated please remember that you are never as alone as you think you are. There are people going through the same feelings and I hope that this thought comforts you during the rough times. You deserve love just like Ash deserves some booze, weed, and a dope chainsaw arm.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my contribution for this year. I’m still just as honored to lend my voice to this worthy endeavor. Please donate if you can. Anything will help us to reach our goal and change lives during this year’s Pride month. I love you all and please spread that love if you can.

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