Each week Joe (@bstolemyremote) and Terry (@gaylydreadful) discuss the most recent episode of FX’s American Horror Story, alternating between our respective sites -- queerhorrormovies.com and gaylydreadful.com.

Episode 9.01 “Camp Redwood”: In the summer of 1984, five friends escape Los Angeles to work as counselors at Camp Redwood. As they adjust to their new jobs, they quickly learn that the only thing scarier than campfire tales is the past coming to haunt you.

TERRY

Well Joe, we’re back! It’s been about a month since we finished our Season 2 recap of Pose and while it’s been a nice break, I’m excited to be back with you covering this season of American Horror Story. First, I want to remind our readers that I willed this season into existence. So, if it’s good, you all can thank me. If it’s bad...well, I’ll just go back and delete this. It’ll just be our little secret.

Anyway, we’re going back to 1984. I was three years old. Ronald Reagan was president. Los Angeles was home to the Summer Olympics. Michael Jackson’s hair caught fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial. It’s the setting of the dystopian novel 1984. It’s also the reopening of Camp Redwood where, 14 years prior, “The worst summer camp massacre of all time” happened.

Basically, it’s a fucked year.

After a cold open that felt right out of a sleazy 70s grindhouse movie--complete with a MFF threesome, nine murders, a killer POV shot, jingling keys and a necklace made out of trophy ears--we’re given a fantastic new, 80s synth-influenced version of the AHS theme. Then we’re introduced to our new counselors during an aerobics lesson, taught by Xavier (Cody Fern). Rounding out our protagonists are Montana (Billie Lourd), Ray (DeRon Horton), new girl Brooke (Emma Roberts) and for some reason, walking sex machine (and Olympic skier) Gus Kenworthy as Chet.

It’s an incredibly fast intro that doesn’t spend too much time introducing the cast outside of a few notable things. Chet is a failed Olympic dreamer who failed out because of drugs. Brooke is new in town. Montana has been doing aerobics since 1982 and wants to be an *checks notes* aerobics competitor? Is that a thing?

Honestly, there’s a lot of information that comes fast and loose in these opening minutes. We get character exposition, a brief home invasion by real life serial killer Richard Ramirez AKA The Night Stalker (played here by Zach Villa who looks eerily like him), lots of 70s and 80s horror homages and an ab-off in the van as the hapless group are on the way to be counselors at Camp Redwood.

It’s a lot, Joe. And I feel like I’m just scratching the surface. But what are your thoughts? Did this episode work for you? Did you find Nurse Rita’s (Angelica Ross!!!!!) comment of “how did we get these jobs with no prior experience” as peculiar as I do? Do you think this season will really be about summer camp? And, finally, how many euphemisms will we get about Matthew Morrison’s, er, to paraphrase Montana, floppy baby elephant trunk?

JOE

You’re absolutely right, Terry, it IS a lot.

I’ll start with Nurse Rita’s comment first because it feels like a pretty deliberate attempt by AHS creators Brad Falchuk and Ryan Murphy, who wrote this first script, to address any questions we may have about how all of these inexperienced people could randomly make a last minute decision to flee the city and become camp counselors.

That means that Falchuk and Murphy either have a lot of confidence that audiences will roll with the speed of these introductory scenes, or that the AHS brand is so established that viewers will be willing to go along with a relatively thin sketch of the characters and the plot. Either way, hopefully everything will get a little more nuance and depth in subsequent episodes (not that I’m holding my breath).

As it is, everyone here is more or less a caricature, up to and including their behaviors. “Camp Redwood” is replete with the kind of casual drug use and sexual banter you’d expect from a typical 80s slasher, but there aren’t a lot of actual characters. We’re meant to recognize these people on sight because we’ve seen their “type” a million times before: the virgin, the jock, the black guy, the edgy/punk girl, etc.

Judged solely on that criteria, the episode mostly works. We have a group of horny camp counselors, an isolated location, even a killer on the loose (or two if you count The Night Stalker who reappears in the closing moments, though I’m 100% certain that is a hallucination). This is familiar territory for horror fans; nothing is surprising, but nothing is difficult to follow either.

The way that the premiere leans into slasher conventions struck me as a bit lazy, to be honest. I lost track of all of the homages we get here, including the hiker that the group hits with their van (Texas Chainsaw Massacre), the piling up of the bodies of the threesome (House on Sorority Row), the killer’s costume (I Know What You Did Last Summer), a killer messed up in the Vietnam war (The Prowler) and any number of summer camp-set films (the most likely inspiration being Friday the 13th).

Once again: it’s A LOT, but I want 1984 to offer something more than throwbacks to my fave films. As we discussed offline, I hope this new season actually has ambitions of its own.

My biggest lingering question right now is how much of this is all a red herring? I personally HATE the “character saw a murder; no one believes them; evidence disappears” narratives and this premiere is certainly setting up Brooke to be the girl who cried wolf for the immediate future. My hope is that this is the first red herring and there’s either a) more going on or b) this will be remedied shortly.

Personally, I do actually think there’s more going on. I have suspicions about Leslie Grossman’s Margaret Booth and her religious reasoning for re-opening the camp; I also have a feeling that Brooke is more than just the nice girl who recently moved to LA (my guess: she’s got mental problems and she has a habit of seeing things). And, of course, there’s Xavier’s threatening answering machine message to contend with (it’s likely an ex who will turn up at camp and be killed, but maaaaybe there’s more to it?).

What episode one doesn’t explicitly deliver, AHS makes up for in promise. My relationship with the show is pretty cyclical: I feel wary apprehension before the new season begins, then tentative enthusiasm for the first few episodes, then I grow frustrated with its decreasing returns around mid-way through before finally turning to bitter resentment by the end. Last year’s “Apocalypse” was a big surprise, however: it started on an iffy note, then tanked, then got really good once the Coven crew (re)appeared halfway through.

So who knows what lessons were or weren’t learned last season? With this series, anything is possible.

Terry, did you spot any other homages? I didn’t really address Morrison’s distractingly large (and incredibly fake) moose knuckle, but maybe you can tackle the “hotness” of the cast? What’s your relationship to AHS - do you have a rocky relationship with it like me? And do you have an early guess on what is happening or who will be killed next?

TERRY

I think my experience with American Horror Story is similar to yours. My pre-hype anticipation is huge. I mean, it’s a horror TV series with marquee actors and production design. I typically love the first few episodes and then the interest tapers off. A good number of seasons (Cult, Hotel, Freakshow…) I’ve never even finished. When it’s great, it’s firing on all cylinders. Time will tell how this season will fare, but right now I have to admit I’m enjoying it.

I do think there’s more going on here than a simple camp slasher. You mentioned all of the homages and it’s hard to keep track of all of the Easter eggs that I know are peppered throughout. The biggest one that comes to mind is Dr. Hopple (Orla Brady), who not only seems to be this slasher’s incarnation of Dr. Loomis, but is also dressed as Laurie Strode from Halloween. And it might be because Cabin in the Woods kept coming to mind as we went through the motions of stock characters, van ride, creepy soothsayer and isolated location that I feel like this camp doesn’t really exist.

I know, I know. It’s way too early to go off on wild conjectures, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this is all a simulation. It has a feel of artifice to it, which, considering the writers, could be completely purposeful or…well, as you mentioned, AHS can feel lazy and uninspired at

times. But Rita’s comment hit home for me; a knowing wink that there’s more to them coming than simply a desperate need for counselors. As of right now, though, I’m calling it that this place isn’t real or that there’s something more shadowy going on here.

But enough conjecture.

Let’s talk about sex. This cast is stereotypically hot. I have a weakness for Gus Kenworthy and his acting is…well, it’s there. But he is serving me Brad Pitt circa Cutting Class (another slasher!) vibes. And I’m perfectly comfortable admitting that if his place in this show is to be as shirtless as possible, then I’m okay with that. Though, I don’t think he’s long for this world. I am curious if there are any LGBTQ people in the counselor’s cast. Montana loves putting her hand on Brooke’s thigh (and the teaser for the rest of the season suggests that’s it doesn’t stop there), but what about the guys, at least one of whom is openly gay in real life.

I’m also curious if there will be a younger cast coming or if this season takes place on one night. Margaret “every stroke soils your soul” Booth mentions the kids are coming the next day so I’m wondering how (or even if) that will play out. There’s also the question of the (now dead?) hiker

who is missing an ear. The timeline is a little fuzzy, but are we to ascertain that his ear was taken prior to Mr. Jingles’ escape from the mental institution? I have a feeling we’ll at least see more of him in flashbacks.

Back over to you, though. Do we believe Margaret’s story of how she survived? When she revealed she was a survivor, I immediately thought she was one of the threesome survivors. Why does Montana sleep with a knife? What did you think of the use of the running of the torch while Brooke was running for her life? And, most importantly, just how many killers are heading to this camp?

JOE

Yes, I also found myself suspicious of Margaret’s version of events, particularly when it was revealed that she WASN’T one of the opening three (if not, why focus on them in the cold open)?

I love the ambitiousness of your simulation idea, but I have a feeling that what we see is what we’ll get. Though I do think there’s a strong possibility that we’ll flash back and forth between 1984 and 1970. As to whether or not we get some young campers on site (to threaten or possibly up the body count)...well that’s a good question.

As for the cast, it’s a mixed bag for me. I like (but don’t love) Emma Roberts, though she’s currently saddled with the boring protagonist role right now. I complain about her on Scream Queens, but I do feel like playing the bitch is more in her wheelhouse than the virginal ingenue. Billie Lourd continues to delight, and I hope we get plenty of time with Montana and her punk rock hair. And I’m so excited to see Angelica Ross again; she’s bringing a nice levity to the proceedings right now.

The boys...are another story. Kenworthy has a swoon-worthy bod, but that wig! Oh my god, that wig! Morrison feels like the 40 year old who walked onto the soundstage filled with 20-somethings and I’ll confess I’ve never really been impressed by Cody Fern (Sidebar: If I were a betting man, I would guess that he’s the gay character). That leaves DeRon Horton, who is so great on Dear White People and here hasn’t had a ton to do yet, so...I guess that’s where we’re at.

Yeah, I don’t mean to sound so down on things. This is a perfectly serviceable (and expedient) set-up for the new season. There’s some fun to be had, some beautiful people and some squishy stabbing sound effects. I mean, if nothing else, we get that weird sequence where Brooke is being chased being intercut with the Olympic torch bearer (how much are the Olympics going to play into all of this?!).

Onwards to episode 2!

Next week, we’ll be heading over to Joe’s site to cover Episode 2 “Mr. Jingles.”