It’s obvious to the outside viewer that things aren’t going great in Nicky (Luke Evans) and Gabriel (Billy Porter)’s relationship in Bill Oliver’s new feature Our Son. The film opens with their eight-year-old son Owen (Christopher Woodley) performing in a class project to the adoration of Gabriel. Nicky arrives late, quietly apologizing while being side-eyed by Gabriel. It’s obviously not the first time this has happened. At home, Gabriel gives Owen a congratulatory present and Nicky quietly fumes, asking Gabriel why. When Gabriel responds that he worked hard on the performance, Nicky retorts, “it’s part of school. He should work hard.”

Later, in bed, Nicky’s frustration becomes more apparent when he tells Gabriel that he doesn’t think Gabriel respects his job. Nicky works long hours at a book publisher and he’s trying to land an important author that would be huge for him.

“...for us.” he quickly amends.

But there it is.

They make up and apologize, but when Owen enters their room later that night, suffering from bad nightmares, the tension comes back immediately. “We talked about this,” Nicky says…but gives in and spoons his family.

It’s at a dinner party with a number of their queer friends that the tension becomes incredibly palpable as the two argue over whether Owen should be sleeping in their bed. “He’s eight! A little old to be sleeping with his parents,” Nicky fumes while the rest of the table avert their eyes or give knowing glances to their partners. Claire (Liza J. Bennet) and Judith (Gabby Beans) attempt to change the subject by announcing they’re pregnant. The tension finally erupts later that night as Gabriel complains that Nicky never checks on Owen; that the actual child-raising has been foisted on the stay-at-home dad Gabriel.

Then a number of revelations rock Nicky’s world. Gabriel admits to Nicky that he’s met somebody. The next day, he tells Nicky he’s going to stay with Judith and Claire for a couple days to think. A little later, he’s filing for divorce.

What follows is a drawn-out uncoupling between the two men as they look at an uncertain future and the prospect of fighting for custody over Owen. It’s here where the story truly hits its pace as the script by director Bill Oliver and co-writer Peter Nickowitz humanely explores their imploding thirteen year relationship. We’ve seen this narrative unfold dozens of times in heterosexual divorce dramas, from Scenes from a Marriage and Kramer vs. Kramer to more recent films like A Separation and the meme-worthy Marriage Story. Our Son joins these films in their nuanced portrayal of marriages disintegrating for various reasons by adding the complexity of queer love to the mix.

The truth is that there’s a layer of generational guilt and pain that comes from being gay men of a certain age, raised in a less caring society with fathers who were taught to be stoic and stern and, above all, “manly.” One of the more touching scenes in Our Son focuses on this problem, in particular, among gay men. After Gabriel moves out, Nicky tries to find solace among his other gay male friends, including Andrew Rannells’ Matthew. Unexpectedly, they try to convince Nicky to give up the custody battle, telling him how much work it would be and how he’s not used to it. It’s a sensitive conversation that naturally evolves into them discussing their own fathers and how difficult life was. The conversation veers from their coming out stories to father’s being absent to father’s not caring.

This scene is the most affecting moment of Our Son as it presents a group of gay men in their 30s or older not understanding how to be a parent because they weren’t given good role models growing up. As a gay man in his 40s with untold amounts of parental baggage, the way they navigate this discussion was truly heart-breaking. It brought tears to my eyes to see this discussion play out on screen and showed me just how hard it is for queer people of this age, specifically, to become adults and try to usher in the next generation of children. Some of the men don’t want to become parents and it’s obvious that what’s left unsaid is the fear that they would fuck up their kids as much as their father’s fucked them up.

The heart of the issue between Nicky and Gabriel is the question of whether they’re doing to Owen what their father’s did to them. This is a heart-breaking suggestion and one that looms over Our Son like a pal. Did years of being raised by uncaring or ignorant fathers make parenting impossible for these queer men? Is this a cycle that will simply continue, as the old school ideology of maleness and the toxicity it brings reaps new horror on the next generation?

These are heady questions that Our Son brings up but doesn’t completely answer. They provide a vast thematic subtext to what is a messy divorce. They’re questions that don’t necessarily have an easy answer and Our Son doesn’t really try to give one and does the smart thing by simply focusing on this family that’s struggling through immense pain. The narrative occasionally does verge a little too hard into melodrama once in a while, though. For example, early on in the film Owen is tasked to take care of a plant, as if it were his child. He must water it and care for it and help it grow. Our Son can’t help but include this as a thematic device to mimic the deteriorating relationship between Nicky and Gabriel to the point I audibly groaned when it was introduced.

Thankfully, Bill Oliver and Peter Nickowitz ground the rest of the film in a feeling of authenticity. Nicky and Gabriel feel like real people and they are both presented as heroes and villains in their own story. Neither of them are completely innocent, but neither are the evil caricatures that they could easily fall into. This isn’t a melodrama about someone escaping a terrible relationship. It’s about two people who have fallen out of step with each other and their own lives and must do what’s right for their child in order to break the cycle of shitty fathers. Our Son doesn’t give Nicky and Gabriel an easy out, and it shouldn’t. This film is grounded in realism and relationships are messy. It’s moving and powerful.

Ultimately, Our Son is a showcase for Billy Porter, who’s often known for his flamboyant style and camp aesthetics. He gives a fierce performance that is both grounded and fearless. It’s a different side of him as an actor and one that should make people take note of his skill. He blew me away in Pose, but his understated performance here speaks volumes to his talent. The way he negotiates his imploding relationship and an unknown future as a father with an 8-year gap in his resume feels real and is never played for sentimentality or melodrama.

Our Son is a smart film that navigates the realities of divorce, from dealing with lawyers and owning up to friends and families, but it’s grounded in the loss of a shared life; one where expectations of growing old together is abruptly dissolved.