[Sundance 2022 Review] Am I OK? Perfectly Encapsulates the Feeling of Coming Out in Your 30s

I was a late bloomer in regards to my sexuality. I pretty much knew I was gay from when I was in my pre-teens but the world was much different then than it is now. It wasn’t until I was 30 that I came out of the closet and was thrown into a confusing world where I wasn’t sure if I was gay enough or how to date or flirt or do any of the things most people figure out in their teens or early 20s. I felt lost in a new world of apps and terminology and online gay quizzes based on whether I like Lady Gaga or which Queer as Folk character I was.

When I decided to watch Am I OK? I did so on mostly a lark because it was a queer story, co-directed by Tig Notaro (with her wife Stephanie Allynne), a woman I greatly admire. What I didn’t expect was to find a movie that so completely encapsulated the feeling–and some surprising story beats–I had while coming out of the closet. Some might call it light and fluffy, but Am I OK? completely captures the experience of coming out in your 30s, with the fears and anxieties and insecurities that come with it. And it does so with heart, humor and, yes, some light fluff. 

Lucy (Dakota Johnson) and Jane (Sonoya Mizuno) have been friends their whole lives and known almost everything about each other. Am I OK? opens with the pair of them at the diner they always eat at and Jane is able to finish Lucy’s order and finish her thoughts. They’re quickly joined by Jane’s boyfriend Danny (Jermaine Fowler) and begin teasing Lucy about her friend Ben (Whitmer Thomas) who’s been helping out around Lucy’s house and is obviously in love with her. Lucy doesn’t feel the same way (“we shake hands after dinner,” she tells them to much raucous laughter). And later that night, when Ben edges closer and leans in to kiss her, Lucy practically catapults herself off the bed. 

At work, Jane gets offered a promotion that will take her back to the UK. Lucy, meanwhile, works at a spa and a new masseuse named Brittany (Kiersey Clemons) has been acting incredibly touchy and flirty with her. These two events quickly collide as Lucy’s best friend is leaving the country and Lucy is finally coming to terms with the fact that she isn’t interested in men. After a drunken night where Jane tells Lucy she’s leaving in 6 months, Lucy comes out of the closet to Jane, who decides that she’s not leaving the country until Lucy has touched a vagina.

Am I OK? is a delightful romantic comedy that’s quick-witted and comfortable. Sonoya Mizuno and Dakota Johnson have unbelievable chemistry together that it’s effortless to see them as being friends forever. They have that kind of introvert/extrovert relationship that evens each other out and the witty dialogue by screenwriter Lauren Pomerantz helps keep the narrative moving at a brisk pace. After a festival full of horror films, it felt like a warm blanket.

But underneath the cozy feelings, Am I OK? still had some barbs that made me emotional, because the script completely nails the frustration of having your teenage life in your thirties. “I don’t want to be this thing that’s different. I don’t want to have to tell everybody this big thing,” Lucy confides in Jane while hiking. “I know that it’s fine and no one cares, but I care. And I’m late. It’s so late in life.” And Jane, ever the reliable best friend, takes her to gay bars and tries to play the wingman, but Lucy is the one awkward and timid person in a room filled with confident women. Women who know what they want and who they’re looking for and have probably felt somewhat comfortable in their skins for a long time. Lucy has none of that.

It’s an experience a lot of late bloomers have experienced, coming out of the closet later in life. Together, Jane and Lucy try to figure out if flirty Brittany is queer or just touchy because she gives massages all day. Brittany adds a new wrinkle to the coming out process that complicates the very confusing part of trying to date while queer. But then there’s also Jane, herself. A safety blanket, of sorts, who’ve always been there and not only is she leaving in a few months, but Lucy might actually be in love with her. It’s a lot to deal with but it feels authentic and is oftentimes raw, even while the witty dialogue continues to disarm you with a smile. 

So, yes. Some might find Am I OK? to be light and fun. But the way Lucy’s experience unfolds is authentic and for those who’ve come out later in life, it hits hard. I didn’t find anything about this film to be flimsy as it had fully encapsulated my life experiences coming out. And I think that anyone who was stuck in the closet for a long time will finally have a fun and funny movie that speaks to some of their experiences.