There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to create a successful sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate - more blood, more gore - *carnage candy*. And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead.

It’s nice to know that some things never change. Randy Meeks codified the rules of a sequel back in 1997 and they still hold true, twenty-four years later. In Halloween (1978), Michael Myers murdered five people during his original killing spree. He returned in 2018 to rack up another astonishing nineteen people, give or take. In 2021? Well, I lost track after around twenty-five. If anything, David Gordon Green’s Halloween Kills lives up to its name.

Evil might not die tonight, but a lot of people will.

Before we get to that, this bloodthirsty sequel opens with Cameron (Dylan Arnold) leaving a message about how he messed up with Allyson (Andi Matichak) when he discovers Deputy Frank Hawkins (Will Patton) in the street, bleeding out. As he attempts to help the police officer, Frank gasps, “He needs to die!” and the narrative flashes back to Haddonfield, Illinois in 1978 to fill in the deputy’s first encounter with Michael. This long opening introduces the audience to a few characters who will show up again in the present and includes a surprisingly good-looking deepfake of the late actor Donald Pleasence.

The nostalgia continues in the present as Halloween Kills brings back Tommy Doyle (now played by a gruff Anthony Michael Hall), Lindsey (Kyle Richards) and Marion (Nancy Stephens), a trio brought together over the trauma of that night forty-three years ago. As each one is reintroduced, the narrative quickly flashes back to the original to create a connection. Every year, they go to an open mic night to toast their fallen friends and remind everyone of the fateful night. This night is no different and Tommy takes the stage to recite the events of the evening to the quiet crowd before raising a glass to Laurie Strode, “wherever you are!”

Cut to: Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis), where she is. In a truck. Fleeing the burning house from Halloween (2018) and yelling “Nooo! Let it burn! Let it burnnnnnn!” as firemen race to put out the fire. Of course they don’t listen. Of course Michael isn’t dead. Of course the narrative proper begins with eleven dead firemen, who are smashed, slashed and chainsawed apart with aplomb. From here Halloween Kills charts Michael’s impressive slaughter through the streets of Haddonfield, as Tommy begins to rile up the townsfolk to don their pitchforks and their torches to hunt him down, shouting, “Evil dies tonight!”

Of course, that won’t happen because...you know, Halloween Ends is coming.

That fact unfortunately releases most of the tension that Halloween Kills attempts to build. Halloween Kills makes the intriguing, if narratively understandable, decision to sideline most of the Strode family because of Laurie’s wounds. Like in the ignored Halloween 2 (1981), Laurie ends up in the hospital…but unlike that film, Michael is more interested in tearing up the streets than ransacking the hospital. Because of her wounds, most of the Strode family is relegated to supporting roles as Karen (Judy Greer) and Allyson (Andi Matichak) tend to her in the hospital. At one point, Allyson reunites with Cameron and Cameron’s recently introduced father Lonnie (Robert Longstreet), who gets added to the 78’s narrative in the opening flashback. From here, she takes on Laurie’s warrior mantle, gets wrapped up in the “Evil dies tonight!” slogan, and goes Michael hunting herself.

What Halloween Kills lacks in suspense, it makes up in general mayhem, centered around stalking vignettes of people we don’t know, who are unfortunately caught in Myers’ path. One is an elderly couple who are viciously murdered, with the woman left bleeding out as she watches Michael turn her husband into a knife rack. Another is a gay couple with the somewhat cringey names of Big John (Scott MacArthur) and Little John (Michael McDonald). I wanted to know more about these characters, but the script by David Gordon Green, Danny McBride and Scott Teems feels old school in the way it introduces characters solely to slaughter them. It leaves very little room for character development because everyone and everything is reacting to Michael’s implacable presence.

The script also tries to say something about the nature of fear, to mixed results. It introduces the well-trodden idea that fear can consume people and create a lasting bogeyman that might be worse than the flesh and blood one. A hint of urban legend permeates these new Halloween films and Halloween Kills does move that story forward, turning Michael into an unnatural killing machine. The idea of fear is a powerful metaphor, particularly now, given the last five years, but the script is more interested in gleefully slaughtering dozens of red shirts to really pull it together.

Honestly, Halloween Kills is more of a successful Jason riff than it is a Halloween one.

If we didn’t know that Halloween Kills was the middle piece of some operatic trilogy, it might work better. But as it stands, it feels like the first part of a padded duo of films that will be realized next year. There’s just not enough narrative meat on these bones. Yet, I was entertained throughout most of it in the same way I’m amused at camp: there’s so much excess here that I found myself chuckling at the general mayhem. And Green manages to evoke small town panic in a way that did feel realistic and was successful in centering Myers as a mythical creation that would cause townsfolk would grab figurative torches and march in the streets. Turn off your brain and divorce this Myers from the one who would quaintly kill five people 43 years ago. Imagine that instead of a Shatner mask, he’s wearing a hockey one. Soak up the profusion of mayhem...and you probably will enjoy your Halloween night.