The inclusivity that a young mind thrives for can easily turn to rejection as they are made to feel other than human. I never thought of myself as weird until I started school. At five years old, in kindergarten, I already knew there was something different about me. I mostly kept to myself while the other children played as a group. I needed to find company I was comfortable with.

While other kids were out playing sports, I’d be hiding inside looking at my older brother’s wrestling magazines. I loved seeing big burly men in different levels of undress, all sweaty and manhandling each other. These magazines would stir unknown feelings deep inside me. Sometimes I’d look at his Sports Illustrated “swim suit issue”, but the women in it never did it for me in the same as Pro Wrestling Monthly.

When I got old enough, I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t straight. I refused to accept that I was gay, though. I saw the depictions of gays in entertainment, mostly cross dressers or club kids on talk shows. I respected what they did, but their flamboyant appearance didn’t represent who I was. I had decided that I was gonna be straight, whether I liked it or not.

By the age of twelve, I was a full-blown horror fanatic. It was about this time when I rented Clive Barker’s classic Nightbreed (1990). There was nothing like this out there. This film was revolutionary to my young mind. At first, it came across as a weird transformation type movie, sort of a werewolf thing, and on a certain level that’s exactly what it is. That was enough to thoroughly enjoy it as a child.

The thing was, I was continuously drawn back to Nightbreed. Each viewing pulled back another layer of intellect behind the film. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that the film was a metaphor society’s persecution of the LGBTQ community and people who are different than the mainstream. I became obsessed with the movie.

Through my fascination of Nightbreed, I was able to dissect it. The monsters that lived underground were all different from each other, but that didn’t matter. The fact that they were all monsters, and rejected by society, brought them together to start their own community. That made me think of the queer community as a whole. We’re all different, but yet our own society in the same way. Even if I didn’t identify with cross-dressers, trans people, or lesbians I was still part of their tribe.

I mention the word “tribe” here specifically, because once Nightbreed’s protagonist Aaron Boone (Craig Sheffer) is welcomed into the breed’s society, their leader, Dirk Lylesberg (Doug Bradley), says to Boone, “The life that you lived will be a dream-the Tribes of the Moon embrace you.” That was me, I identified so closely with Boone. The only thing I wanted in life was to find my tribe, and be welcomed by “the Tribes of the Moon

This quote resonates deeply with me as a queer person. There is a breaking point where you have to leave behind the hetero-normative facade created before coming out. If you want to be embraced by your new tribe.

I’m lucky that I didn’t lose many friends along the way of coming out. I was never told I needed to seek psychiatric help because of my sexuality. Similar to the monsters in Nightbreed, I realized that there was nothing wrong with who I was.

In Nightbreed, psychiatrist Dr. Philip K. Decker (David Cronenberg), becomes consumed with the idea of destroying this tribe. I saw this as conventional psychiatrists trying to fix people that weren’t broken. It doesn’t happen as much as it did when Nightbreed was originally released, but prior to just recently LGBTQ people were seen as being mentally ill. This is where it became clear to me that being one’s self was an important part of this new tribe.

Not only were the breed hunted by Dr. Decker, but religious fanatics, rednecks and close-minded conservatives set out to terminate the lives of the breed living underground. This is a perfect allegory for hate crimes committed against the LGBTQ community. Offenders of violent hate crimes often disguise their own latent queer feelings by committing violence against those they envy. There is a great discussion between Boone’s girlfriend Lori Winston (Anne Bobby) and one of the Nightbreed, Rachel (Catherine Chevalier).

Rachel: To be able to fly, to be smoke, or a wolf? To know the night and live in it forever? That's not so bad. You call us 'monsters,' but when you dream, you dream of flying, and changing, and living without death. You envy us, and what you envy...

Lori: ...We destroy.

Some people may find the idea of tribe mentality to be harmful, but that would change if you were part of a marginalized group of people. Similar to Lori in the previous stated conversation, a good ally can empathize. Through said empathy an ally can also be excepted as part of the tribe, similar to how Lori is at the end of Nightbreed. My straight friends embrace my queer tribe, and my queer tribe embraces my straight friends. That’s how it should be.

As much as I didn’t want to accept my own sexuality when I was younger, I am lucky to have been able to come to terms with who I am, and to be embraced by the tribes of the moon. I owe a great debt to openly queer film maker/author/artist Clive Barker for creating this movie. Nightbreed helped me come to terms with my sexuality. For that reason I will always say it is one of the greatest movies made.