[Column] Introducing My Queer Education: A Study of Camp, Horror and Queerness

Even before I began my journey into writing about film I had begun to feel the pang of self-reproach that comes from an inability to connect to one’s identity. By the age of 25 many queer people have already been secure in their identity for years…at least that's what the popular narrative is [Ed note: some people, it’s not until thirty]. Come out in high school-- probably get picked on, but at least you get to be the main character’s gay best friend. Have a proud and loud phase in college-- must be wearing a rainbow at all times, of course, and will most definitely experience a tragic romance. Finally settle into a more nuanced understanding of identity as an adult. 

The reality of realizing one’s identity is much more complicated than what is shown in movies, but there can be truth in these observed stages.

I was once taught in a psychology class about the stages of racial identity. One of the stages for people of color is Immersion which is the desire to surround oneself with symbols of one’s racial identity, while avoiding symbols of whiteness, as well as seeking out a community of racial peers. While people of color have their own unique journey of identity that I will never experience, some of William Cross’s work on these stages of racial identity is translatable across the development of many other marginalized identities.

In his 2014 documentary Do I Sound Gay?, David Thrope and his friends reflect on how Thrope changed during his coming out process in college. One of his friends remarks that in September Thrope sounded like any other straight boy, but by May he had adopted a stereotypically gay vernacular and speech pattern. His childhood friend noticed the same change, noting that it seemed like Thrope was advertising that he is gay. Thrope goes on to explain that while he never consciously changed his voice when he came out, he did feel the desire to bite back at those who had scorned his identity by adopting a persona of the “witty, aristocratic homosexual.” Thrope’s coming out metamorphosis clearly parallels Cross’s Immersion stage of racial identity. Thrope adopted the symbols of gayness he was familiar with in order to reject the dominate culture and advertise his desire to be apart of the gay community. 

While people can realize their identity or decide to have a pride phase at any age, college seems like a common and opportune time to do it. For many people going to college is like starting a new life. It is a time to make all new friends, experiment with one’s style, and experience independance from one’s parents. It is also a time when finding a community of people that shares one’s interests or identity is easier than ever. Many colleges have official resource centers for LGBTQ+ students, LGBTQ+ clubs, and pride events on campus. I have known people who have created a strong queer community around themselves throughout college.

But I did not.

I did not enter college knowing my identity. And when I figured it out, I was too insecure in myself to do anything about it. The closest I came to a pride moment was telling a film professor that I wanted more recommendations with queer romances for “personal reasons.” 

At 25 I am just a baby “gay” desperately trying to find a way to be proud in my identity and connect to a community and history I still feel quite shy in. My love for film and my experiences of womanhood have always intertwined easily. I can express my experiences with society and misogyny best when relating them to cinematic characters and themes. I long to find a connection to the queer community through cinema as well. I have been feeling for a while that I am sorely lacking in knowledge of queer icons behind the camera and what they have contributed to our history in genre film. I hope exploring genre film’s queer history will help me on my journey to shed my shyness and finally enter my pride phase. 

 In this new column I will dive into one LGBTQ+ identified creator’s contribution to horror and cult cinema’s queer history at a time. Starting with a focus on directors, I will spend a month exploring the chosen creator’s filmography. At the end of the month, I will bring you a thoughtful analysis of their history, how they used camp, horror, and queer themes within their films and how their films and style connect to present day fimmaking and queer issues.

I look forward to taking this journey with all of you!